Today I am working my main job – my engineering job. I will be working more than 40 hours this week. By the time I get home, it will be 7:00 PM. I have a friend’s party to go, but at the same time I want to work on my personal projects. So, there’s the dilemma – do I go out and meet other people and socialize, perhaps make meaningful relationships? Or do I stay home and work on my personal passions to reach my goals. Quite the decision to make.

So, every day I think about that – I think about how many hours I have in a day that I must dedicate to my job, personal health, passions, maintaining relationships, and developing new ones. And to make a decision like this you just must dig down and think to yourself – what do you value most? It’s like that triangle people posted in college – sleep, good grades, social life? Pick two, right? Simple.

Once you’re an adult however it’s not just three anymore. It’s like a 9, 10, 11-point polygon! Heh, nerd stuff. So, you just have to pick the few core things that you value most, and put those above all else. You need to find your mantra, your ritual, what defines you.

So really in the last couple days, months, OK maybe in the last year or two.. I had to really dig deep down and figure out what matters most to me. I had defined myself by my career and job but didn’t feel fulfilled. After long nights of thinking to myself, what I found out was that I don’t really know anymore. I thought I knew, but it was just society’s pressures on me. I defined myself by what I should be, not what I want to be. I’ll get into that in a minute.

Sounds horrible, but really, it’s ok – I am still young I can still figure it out. (This “it’s ok” thought took a long time for me to accept.) But this whole life plan that I had set out for myself when I was 17 or 18 won’t apply anymore. It may change, and it probably will.

I have told a few friends this – I grew up as an Asian in Orange County. Duh, right? And to non-Asians, Asians have to be smart, good at math. So, what I did do? I worked hard to “get smart” and be “good at math.” I defined myself as what I should have been and forgot what I wanted to grow up to be as a child. I figured that I needed to do that to have my identity as an Asian American. I thought that was our definition.

I could not be more wrong.

For my entire adolescent life and most of young adult life I lived this self-fulfilling prophecy of being the "successful" Asian. To be honest, my parents never forced me to become a doctor, engineer, or lawyer. I let society decide that for me. I imposed those pressures on myself because that was the only way I knew how to define myself. For almost two whole decades I embodied this persona. I embodied it for so long that I made it my definition. I defined myself from outside forces. I was so deep in the persona that it felt normal. It felt real. It wasn't until just these past couple of years that I realized:

Hey, maybe this isn't who I am. Maybe this isn't who I was meant to be.

I had to dig down deep to even remember what I wanted to be when I was younger - yet to be affected by societal pressures. I haven’t told many people this, but I wanted to be an author. I wanted to write. I loved reading, writing, and storytelling. And if not that, I wanted to tell jokes, be a funny guy, make people happy. Simple things I wanted as a child.

I really didn’t know what I wanted to do for college. But a smart Asian should know, right? So I had to pick something. I only became a civil engineer because my brother was a civil engineer and I was decently good at math and physics... so I decided, sure why not? Let’s do it. I could make it work.

That “why not” is probably why I am so frustrated these days.

The person I grew up to be compared to this “why not” decision... I’m trying my best to make it work but it’s difficult! I am trying not to feel like I have “wasted” my four years of a college education. Waste is a loosely used term here, of course..

Engineering, although horribly difficult and excruciating, teaches you a methodology. Teaches you to problem solve by using logic. This helps you objectively solve problems in scenarios beyond the engineering field. So it ended up being a benefit to me as I figure out what I want to do.

Let’s discuss – how I tried to make engineering work.

I wanted to be an engineer because I wanted to make things. Like buildings, bridges, tall, cool stuff. I then realized I didn’t want to do structural engineering because of all the calculations and reference manuals.. it didn’t seem all that exciting. I ended up working in a field called “infrastructure,” just because it had the word structure in it. I then found the closest related thing in Orange County, and I ended up in land development... which isn’t all that exciting either. A lot of my work is based off of figuring out where stormwater goes and making sure it’s clean before it enters the public storm drain system.

BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT IN ORANGE COUNTY AND CALIFORNIA, OK?

Wasn’t all that exciting in theory, but it’s ok – I figured maybe I just liked to provide creative solutions to problems.. you know, problem solve. That’s a reasonable thing to want to do, right?

So I tugged; followed that string of thought. Ok, what can I create? They give me a problem, and I come up with a solution. That makes sense. After I worked through this for a while discovered that perhaps maybe I just like talking to people. And in land development, you talk to a lot of people! Clients, design teams, public agencies, etc.

But then it didn’t feel like it was enough.

I didn’t feel like I had a lot of freedom as a land development engineer. Because of all of the restrictions as to what kind of solutions I could provide.

So, at this point, I made sure to maintain my creative outlets to stay balanced. So, I kept up with my photography – wedding, portrait, food, etc. It fulfilled me a little bit. But when I picked up video for my Thailand trip I found it a lot more engaging because I could integrate my understanding of music and my background as a dancer. So that’s a lot more fun. It’s been fun! I still do it now. I find a lot of enjoyment in it. I want to keep nurturing it and growing it so it can get to a certain point where it can be more refined.

So, at this point I start to feel like I’m getting closer to where I want to be. But still not quite there.

What this all boils down to is something I learned from a photographer that I look up to – Chase Jarvis. He said that we don’t have one job anymore. We have a job title and a hyphen. I am a civil engineer – photographer – videographer – dancer..

We aren’t defined by any one thing anymore.

This is very different from our parents who had one job and that stayed true in their lives until retirement.

So, let’s think about that. If I were to focus on just engineering, it would be related to the fact that as millennials we jump around jobs a lot. Every 2-3 years or so we look for something different to keep growing and stay engaged. So, on that note, things aren’t so clear cut anymore. It’s not just “go to college, get a good job, stay at that job until you retire and you’re set”.

Nothing is that easy anymore.

A lot of us are dealing with crippling amounts of debt at jobs that don’t pay us nearly enough to pay them off! So maybe the old career path isn’t all that viable anymore. And with the way that our lives are these days, maybe the typical jobs aren’t meant for everyone. They never were - but now there are many more opportunities to make a living. So, you should really pay attention and be open to new opportunities. Try something new!

For engineering – maybe I shouldn’t stay so focused on land development. Maybe I could pick up a new skill within my job or maybe try a different discipline. Or maybe I could work on my personal projects and see where they take me. Maybe I could do engineering sales, coordination? Who knows. The world is my oyster – as it is yours!

I just want to finish this off by saying that there is no straight-line path to a successful life anymore. Things are always in flux and you may take a few steps back before taking more steps forward. Don’t be dead set on doing what society expects of you. Try different things. Just follow what makes you happy and the money will come sooner or later.

There are so many ways to make money these days so as long as you are driven and focused on what makes you happy.. Let’s say as you figure things you leave your full time job that you aren’t passionate about and wait tables or work in retail just to pay living expenses while you follow your passions. You may not be making as much money as you were making before, but at least at this point you’d be living with purpose and meaning!

The 18 or 19-year-old me, if he were listening to me right now he’d punch me in the mouth, honestly.. This concept would’ve been so ridiculous to the younger me. The younger me that followed status quo – put his head down and just did what he was told.

But really anything is a possibility these days. Be open to different opportunities. Don’t just do whatever you started with and follow that until the end of time.. it doesn’t really work like that anymore.

Just take a minute, a moment, or just some time. Sit down and think about what you really want to do with your life. You don’t need the answer today. You don’t need the answer tomorrow. But once you figure it out, you will live with so purpose.

I will try to do more blogs like this with this kind of content because I feel like it would benefit people who are going through a similar thing. Motivational speakers and the like have already “made it” so to speak, so often it is hard to relate to them. It’s hard to connect with them on a personal level. But here I am, just a real person in the same shoes as you. Hopefully you can relate and have found something beneficial from this post!